(This will be a five-part series of what I would tell myself at certain points of my life)
I am not a father…yet. I am closing in on 40 and my wife likes to remind me that I will be an old father. I am not sure why she does this. Anywho, I think of how I grew up and what my parents did to raise me. I am proud to say that I have never been arrested, been addicted to drugs, been to jail or prison and have always had money in the bank. They did a great job raising me, my older brother and younger sister. To wish they had done things differently would be wishing I could change the past and thereby change my present. I know that parenting is an “on the job” learning experience and mistakes will be made. Although there are some things I would tell my 14-year-old self.
Why 14 you ask? Well this is the age most people enter high school and a lot people feel their life begins and ends with high school. My high school principal once said during my sophomore year, “This is the best time of your life, right here, right now!” To me, those were the words of someone who wish he could go back to high school. I hated high school and my life has gotten better and better every year since I left.
What I would tell myself relates to the development of myself and becoming my own person. So is what I would have told 14-year-old Thavius…
1. Develop a strong self-image of yourself. One of the things many teens (including myself back then) suffered from was wanting to be accepted as part of a group. For many people, one’s identity is not strong enough to stand on its own. Becoming part of a group strengthens that identity takes on the thought processes and behaviors of that group. With a stronger self-image, a person can survive in-spite of a group and be focused on what he or she knows is right without the fear of being a lone wolf and being ridiculed for it.
2. Study self-development. Most notably I would recommend Bob Proctor’s book, “You were Born Rich”. As with the first piece of advice, I would want to prepare my son or daughter as early as possible to be a thought leader and entrepreneur and look for a higher purpose than clothes or video games or television. I friend of mine use to say, “If it weren’t for television I would have graduated college by 18.”
3. Develop successful habits. This is an important one because if a person is disciplined, he or she will have the world at their fingertips and will outwork 99% of the population. I did not have very good habits when it came to homework or school work and it cost me when I got to college and doing things I loved.
4. Learn to be an entrepreneur. The economy is fluid and always changing. I was taught to get a good education so you could get a good job. This was my dad’s advice. He had a high school education and worked in factories in the early part of his life. Unfortunately, this was bad advice as it keeps one on the same level has most of the working public with little hope of ever advancing. Jim Rohn is quoted saying, “Formal education will earn you a living; Self-education will earn you a fortune”. I was a teenager when the internet started to get big and considering non-linear ways of earning money would have served me well.
5. Explore who you are and the things you really like to do. I was locked into one self-image of myself and that was being an athlete. When I choose to stop being an athlete, I did not know who I was and I literally drifted from job to job to job. I did get a good paying job with great bonuses, but I literally wanted to shoot myself because it was terrible work that gave me no purpose. I would tell my son or daughter, “You can make money doing anything in this world. Find what gives you the most pleasure and peace, then find someone who is doing it for a living and emulate them”.
My parents did the best they could with me and I have a lot to thank them for. I have learned that people cannot give you what they do not have. My parents only had a working-class mentality and if I wanted more out of life I would need to be around people who thought on a higher level.
With or without this advice I am grateful for the mistakes I have made.
I wish to pass on what I learned to my future children. What advice would you give yourself at 14 years of age? Comment below and let me know so we can have a discussion and help others who will be reading this. You can reach me on Instagram and twitter at ThaviusJ, and on Linkedin at linkedin.com/in/thaviusjnelson.
Cheers!
